Goodbyes

When I first arrived in Wuxi, the thought of what it would be like to leave never once crossed my mind.  After all, leaving my American friends, family and home culture was the toughest and scariest part of this whole thing, right?  While following the call to this place was scary and nerve-racking, I never realized that I'd have the same feelings when I left Wuxi as I did when I came.  The only difference now is that the goodbyes seem more final.  When I left America, I knew I'd come back for vacation and would move back eventually, but I know many of the goodbyes I'm going to say today will be for good this side of heaven.  Praise God that in Him there are truly no goodbyes, but it still seems final and that is something I've never had to do with this many people at one time.

Today is the last day of school.  I thought I'd sleep through the night with no problems because up until this point, I've been able to keep it together fairly well.  However, I woke up at 1:45 am with my heart pounding and tears in my eyes.  How can I possibly say goodbye today to so many people whom I not only call friends, but family?  I have peace about returning "home" but that doesn't make leaving any less difficult.

Looking back to where I was 4 years ago, I can't believe that God has blessed me and worked in my life the way that he has.  I've experienced His presence so much more than I ever have before as He's been by my side through both the joys and the challenges that this adventure brought.  If I could go back to that very nervous 22 year-old, I'd tell her to get ready for great things ahead and while you're anxious and scared, it will all be worth it and you will be forever changed.  I suppose maybe 4 years from now I can likely tell that to my "current self".

The one thing that gets me through this time is knowing that the same God who called me here is the same one bringing me back to America and that He is the same yesterday, today and forever.  There are many changes over the next 6 months...moving back to a culture that is slightly more foreign to me than it used to be, starting a new job and getting married!  Each of these things are good and I know they are what are supposed to be my next steps.  When change happens because God wants it to, it is a good thing.  But change is always hard, even for the most flexible of people (which, if you know me at all, you know that is most certainly not me).

For anyone considering moving overseas, know that goodbyes are a very big part of the expat lifestyle but don't let that keep you from following where you feel lead.  The greatest things in life can also end up being the most tough, but what a shame it would be if leaving wasn't difficult.  It would mean the experiences you had meant very little and that's even more sad.  Go where you feel called even when it takes it out of your comfort zone (which it so often does), because that is where you will experience the most growth, the most joy and make the most amazing memories, whether that's in your hometown or halfway around the world.

Today will be tough. Today will be forever ingrained in my memory.  Today will mark the goodbye this side of heaven for many that have been like family.  Today, God will close one chapter and begin anew but He will continue to be the same and that is the one thing giving me the strength to "be strong and courageous".