So I am pretty sure this is the longest I've gone without posting...I'm sorry to those of you that like reading my posts! A lot has happened since the last time I wrote. We are now over half-way through our 3rd quarter at school and it's hard to believe I will be home for the entire summer in just 3 short months!
This year has been full of many ups and downs but there has never been a dull moment! Something new for this year is that our school is in it's first year of having a band program. It has been amazing to have so many instruments that our students can use and I have really enjoyed getting the program going (even though sometimes I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing!). The students did a wonderful job with their Christmas concert and I was so proud of all of their hard work. I felt a little nostalgic though because one of the pieces my kids played was also one of the same pieces that I played at my very first band concert in 6th grade. Since then, we have continued to improve and in a few weeks they will start their spring concert music which I know they can't wait to get their hands on. I never thought I would ever teach K-12 music but honestly I am very thankful for this opportunity. It has allowed me to gain experience in almost every kind of music class/ensemble and I've also been able to see which age groups I am most passionate about so whenever I do eventually move on somewhere else I can have a good idea of what age/ensemble I would ideally love to teach.
As far as traveling goes, this year Bethany and I visited the Philippines. What a beautiful country with such friendly people! I didn't fully realize the poverty that exists there but despite this they were some of the most joyful people I've seen. I also didn't realize how common English is there which I was thankful for! This spring I will also be going to Zhangjiajie which is in the Hunan province (same province where my sister is from). There is a national park there with mountains that the creator of Avatar used as his inspiration for the mountains in Pandora in the film. It looks amazing and I'm excited to go hiking and see a little glimpse of heaven!
Another excited thing that has happened this year is that my dad visited in January. He was actually headed to Taiwan for business but made a short side-trip to visit me. It was a short 3 days but it was so fun showing him my life here and to introduce him to people that have become my China family. Even though it was great to see him, when he left I felt the deepest homesickness I have felt since living here. It made me realize that I need to come home more and I plan on coming home for Christmas next year. I signed another one-year contract so I will for sure be here next year and probably for one more year after that but it really depends on where I feel Him leading me. I have discovered that being away from family and friends is the absolute hardest thing about living this far away and there are times when I really want to go home. My time here isn't over yet and I know that and have peace about it.
This year has been challenging in many ways. I have always struggled with feelings of inadequacy when it comes to my performance and I often have twisted views of whether or not I am doing a good job with something. This has especially been brought out since living here. I often don't feel like I am qualified to do the job I have been given. I know that these are all lies put in my mind but it is so difficult to not believe the lies when they are constantly in your mind. Recently, I read a book called "My Name is Hope" and it is written by a pastor that our small group listens to every week. It is a fairly short read but well worth it if you struggle with anxiety, stress or depression. The Biblical perspectives have been extremely helpful and I have been able to feel so much more joy throughout the day. I'd be lying if I said I didn't still struggle and I am sure I will struggle with this my whole life, but I am happy that there is hope in overcoming our weaknesses.
Spiritually, I'm not proud of my lack of faith during the first semester this year. I allowed myself to really become lazy and definitely felt the effects of that decision. This past month though things changed. Once again it took getting to a low point (my homesickness) for me to realize how little I can do on my own. I don't know why I keep allowing myself to thing I can live this life on my own...you'd think I'd have learned my lesson by now! Anyway, I am grateful that He never gives up on us even when we mess up...over and over...and over again. Through social media and events like the debate between Bill Nye and Ken Ham I have, at times, felt overwhelmed this year by the strong opinions against our Creator (or the belief that there isn't one). I usually avoid commenting online (mainly because I don't feel like it is the best way to have this type of conversation) but I will say a little about my opinion because I feel like I have been too silent about my thoughts. A lot of times people must have proof and that faith is not enough to believe in something. While I have taken a leap of faith in what I believe (why is why they call it "faith"), I have discovered all the proof I need when I look at my own life. There is absolutely NO WAY that the things that have happened in my life have turned out the way they have by chance...that would take so much more faith to believe that way! I look back..the things I'm not proud of, the struggles, my connections with this country, love of music, the closed doors that slammed in my face leading me to the job I have, etc and see how they have all worked together to bring me to where I am now and the work that is happening here. It's not something you can just explain to anyone...that feeling you have when you know there is someone bigger and more powerful at work in your life and in this universe. I wish I could put it into words better than this. Sometimes my only response to whether or not there is a God is just to say "I just know".
I feel like I've needed to get that off my chest for awhile so hopefully it didn't bore you too much! ;)
Okay...so I've been writing awhile and I think I should attempt to get some rest. I will try to do a better job about updating though and keep y'all posted!
Rachel
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