Goodbyes

When I first arrived in Wuxi, the thought of what it would be like to leave never once crossed my mind.  After all, leaving my American friends, family and home culture was the toughest and scariest part of this whole thing, right?  While following the call to this place was scary and nerve-racking, I never realized that I'd have the same feelings when I left Wuxi as I did when I came.  The only difference now is that the goodbyes seem more final.  When I left America, I knew I'd come back for vacation and would move back eventually, but I know many of the goodbyes I'm going to say today will be for good this side of heaven.  Praise God that in Him there are truly no goodbyes, but it still seems final and that is something I've never had to do with this many people at one time.

Today is the last day of school.  I thought I'd sleep through the night with no problems because up until this point, I've been able to keep it together fairly well.  However, I woke up at 1:45 am with my heart pounding and tears in my eyes.  How can I possibly say goodbye today to so many people whom I not only call friends, but family?  I have peace about returning "home" but that doesn't make leaving any less difficult.

Looking back to where I was 4 years ago, I can't believe that God has blessed me and worked in my life the way that he has.  I've experienced His presence so much more than I ever have before as He's been by my side through both the joys and the challenges that this adventure brought.  If I could go back to that very nervous 22 year-old, I'd tell her to get ready for great things ahead and while you're anxious and scared, it will all be worth it and you will be forever changed.  I suppose maybe 4 years from now I can likely tell that to my "current self".

The one thing that gets me through this time is knowing that the same God who called me here is the same one bringing me back to America and that He is the same yesterday, today and forever.  There are many changes over the next 6 months...moving back to a culture that is slightly more foreign to me than it used to be, starting a new job and getting married!  Each of these things are good and I know they are what are supposed to be my next steps.  When change happens because God wants it to, it is a good thing.  But change is always hard, even for the most flexible of people (which, if you know me at all, you know that is most certainly not me).

For anyone considering moving overseas, know that goodbyes are a very big part of the expat lifestyle but don't let that keep you from following where you feel lead.  The greatest things in life can also end up being the most tough, but what a shame it would be if leaving wasn't difficult.  It would mean the experiences you had meant very little and that's even more sad.  Go where you feel called even when it takes it out of your comfort zone (which it so often does), because that is where you will experience the most growth, the most joy and make the most amazing memories, whether that's in your hometown or halfway around the world.

Today will be tough. Today will be forever ingrained in my memory.  Today will mark the goodbye this side of heaven for many that have been like family.  Today, God will close one chapter and begin anew but He will continue to be the same and that is the one thing giving me the strength to "be strong and courageous".

Lately

It's hard to believe that in just a few short months I'll have completed my third year of teaching here.  It seems like yesterday that I left KC on this adventure.  For those who don't know, I have signed a contract for a fourth year but I plan on returning home after next year unless I felt lead otherwise (I have a peace about leaving after 4 years though and doubt that will change).  

I sometimes sit and talk with my roommate, Bethany, about all that has happened since moving here both professionally and personally.  While there have been many positive things that have happened that I have been involved in or a part of, I still sometimes wonder what the big purpose of me coming here has been all along. Perhaps I'll know when I leave or maybe I'll never know on this side of Heaven.  Then I thought that maybe the point of me coming here had more to do with what He wanted to do in my heart and less about how I impact the people I'm surrounded by everyday (though I think this is still really important and I believe I am being used in my community in positive ways). 

My heart is not the same as it once was and that both excites and scares me as I think about moving back to the States.  I fear that I will become spiritually complacent as I once was and I don't want that to happen again after seeing what a life of actively living out faith is really like.  I don't want to get too comfortable with my surroundings that I forget to rely on Him which was so easy to do for me when I lived at home.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that people can't be actively living their faith in the States (in fact, I know a great number who are) but for me it was more difficult to do than it has been here where I've had to rely on Him in ways I have never had to before. 

On a completely different note, I just returned from Japan.  Bethany and I stayed with the parents of one of our teachers here on staff.  I felt so blessed by this couple (Jim and Barbie) and can safely say I have "Japan parents" now :)  They shared their lives with us and allowed us to be a part of what all they do.  Barbie teaches quilting to locals and uses it to share her faith with her students and she and Jim both teach English weekly with the same idea in mind.  It was really cool to hear some of the stories of the students and friends they had.  

We also went snorkelling, sight-seeing, ate delicious Japanese food and quilted with Barbie while we were there.  To say they spoiled us would be an understatement!  One morning, Jim had walked the dog, Opie, to Starbucks before Bethany and I woke up.  He returned and said that Opie "told" him to buy us Starbucks mugs with drinks inside!  This was just one example of how giving and generous they both were to us.  They felt that because they had been so blessed by Jim's job and income that they wanted to bless others with what they had.  There is no way we could've afforded that trip without their hospitality and I'm so thankful.  

Another thing we did in Japan was go to one of the military bases which, for someone who misses American food, was AMAZING!  I thoroughly enjoyed Taco Bell! :D  I also got a chance to speak with some teachers from their area and talk about the DODDS schools (where kids of military parents attend school) and I honestly wouldn't be opposed to looking into that in the future if I felt lead.  We will see though.  We also visited their fellowship where we were greatly encouraged by the people we met there.  

Okinawa, Japan is absolutely beautiful and I would recommend it to anyone!

We are still on Spring Festival holiday and don't return to school until March 2nd.  I'm enjoying a few more days off before we head towards the end of 3rd quarter.  March will be pretty busy with Choral and Band Festival in Tianjin, but the students have worked really hard and I am excited to hear them perform with students from other schools.  After that, we will have spring break during the first week of April and then the final set of weeks before the end of the year when my mom, Caleb, Hannah and Dr. Richardson will come to our school!  SO EXCITING!!!  :D

-Rachel

It's been awhile!!

So I am pretty sure this is the longest I've gone without posting...I'm sorry to those of you that like reading my posts!  A lot has happened since the last time I wrote.  We are now over half-way through our 3rd quarter at school and it's hard to believe I will be home for the entire summer in just 3 short months! 


This year has been full of many ups and downs but there has never been a dull moment!  Something new for this year is that our school is in it's first year of having a band program.  It has been amazing to have so many instruments that our students can use and I have really enjoyed getting the program going (even though sometimes I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing!).  The students did a wonderful job with their Christmas concert and I was so proud of all of their hard work.  I felt a little nostalgic though because one of the pieces my kids played was also one of the same pieces that I played at my very first band concert in 6th grade.  Since then, we have continued to improve and in a few weeks they will start their spring concert music which I know they can't wait to get their hands on.  I never thought I would ever teach K-12 music but honestly I am very thankful for this opportunity.  It has allowed me to gain experience in almost every kind of music class/ensemble and I've also been able to see which age groups I am most passionate about so whenever I do eventually move on somewhere else I can have a good idea of what age/ensemble I would ideally love to teach.


As far as traveling goes, this year Bethany and I visited the Philippines.  What a beautiful country with such friendly people!  I didn't fully realize the poverty that exists there but despite this they were some of the most joyful people I've seen.  I also didn't realize how common English is there which I was thankful for!  This spring I will also be going to Zhangjiajie which is in the Hunan province (same province where my sister is from).  There is a national park there with mountains that the creator of Avatar used as his inspiration for the mountains in Pandora in the film. It looks amazing and I'm excited to go hiking and see a little glimpse of heaven! 


Another excited thing that has happened this year is that my dad visited in January.  He was actually headed to Taiwan for business but made a short side-trip to visit me.  It was a short 3 days but it was so fun showing him my life here and to introduce him to people that have become my China family.  Even though it was great to see him, when he left I felt the deepest homesickness I have felt since living here.  It made me realize that I need to come home more and I plan on coming home for Christmas next year.  I signed another one-year contract so I will for sure be here next year and probably for one more year after that but it really depends on where I feel Him leading me.  I have discovered that being away from family and friends is the absolute hardest thing about living this far away and there are times when I really want to go home.  My time here isn't over yet and I know that and have peace about it. 


This year has been challenging in many ways.  I have always struggled with feelings of inadequacy when it comes to my performance and I often have twisted views of whether or not I am doing a good job with something.  This has especially been brought out since living here.  I often don't feel like I am qualified to do the job I have been given.  I know that these are all lies put in my mind but it is so difficult to not believe the lies when they are constantly in your mind.  Recently, I read a book called "My Name is Hope" and it is written by a pastor that our small group listens to every week.  It is a fairly short read but well worth it if you struggle with anxiety, stress or depression.  The Biblical perspectives have been extremely helpful and I have been able to feel so much more joy throughout the day.  I'd be lying if I said I didn't still struggle and I am sure I will struggle with this my whole life, but I am happy that there is hope in overcoming our weaknesses.


Spiritually, I'm not proud of my lack of faith during the first semester this year.  I allowed myself to really become lazy and definitely felt the effects of that decision.  This past month though things changed.  Once again it took getting to a low point (my homesickness) for me to realize how little I can do on my own.  I don't know why I keep allowing myself to thing I can live this life on my own...you'd think I'd have learned my lesson by now!  Anyway, I am grateful that He never gives up on us even when we mess up...over and over...and over again.  Through social media and events like the debate between Bill Nye and Ken Ham I have, at times, felt overwhelmed this year by the strong opinions against our Creator (or the belief that there isn't one).  I usually avoid commenting online (mainly because I don't feel like it is the best way to have this type of conversation) but I will say a little about my opinion because I feel like I have been too silent about my thoughts.  A lot of times people must have proof and that faith is not enough to believe in something.  While I have taken a leap of faith in what I believe (why is why they call it "faith"), I have discovered all the proof I need when I look at my own life.  There is absolutely NO WAY that the things that have happened in my life have turned out the way they have by chance...that would take so much more faith to believe that way!  I look back..the things I'm not proud of, the struggles, my connections with this country, love of music, the closed doors that slammed in my face leading me to the job I have, etc and see how they have all worked together to bring me to where I am now and the work that is happening here.  It's not something you can just explain to anyone...that feeling you have when you know there is someone bigger and more powerful at work in your life and in this universe.  I wish I could put it into words better than this.  Sometimes my only response to whether or not there is a God is just to say "I just know".


I feel like I've needed to get that off my chest for awhile so hopefully it didn't bore you too much! ;)


Okay...so I've been writing awhile and I think I should attempt to get some rest.  I will try to do a better job about updating though and keep y'all posted!


Rachel

Goodbye Summer 2013!

So it's been a few months since I've last posted and a lot has happened.  After a strong finish to the school year I went back to the states for 3 weeks.  It was great seeing everyone and I'm so thankful I was able to visit, even though it was only for a short time.  It was a little strange at times being back in the American culture and being able to understand the language.  Being home made me realize that my heart is torn towards two very different places.  While I'm in Wuxi I miss my family in America but when I'm in America I miss my Wuxi family.  I'm also reminded of how much I hate "goodbyes" or "see ya laters".  I'm so thankful that when are brothers and sisters in Him that there are truly never any "goodbyes"!

When I returned to Wuxi I began intensive language study which I enjoyed but I definitely felt overwhelmed at times.  It was definitely great to be able to study and not worry about the stresses of teaching though and I'm thankful to have such a wonderful teacher that works with me.  I hope to be fluent enough so when my mom and sister come in a few summers I will able to translate when we travel (I've got some studying to do between now and then.....).  Besides language study I was also a part of our school's English Camp which we put on for local English teachers.  I did a workshop on using songs for English-teaching.  I was a bit unsure of whether or not any of my information would be helpful since I don't actually teach English but I received many positive comments and I feel like I was at least somewhat helpful.  It was also nice meeting other teachers in the area and seeing just how different their schools and our school are.

This week we have begun our teacher meetings before school starts next Tuesday.  It's so amazing how much of a difference one year of experience makes!  I am so much more calm and confident about the beginning of the school year than I was a year ago.  I'm really looking forward to this year too because of the band program.  So far it has been very well received by students and we believe that parents will be very excited as well when they realize it is an option for their children.  Most of our students come from a culture that puts more of an emphasis on instrumental music than vocal music so I am anticipating a very high interest.  Another change this year is that my classroom has moved from the first floor to the fifth floor.  My new room is coming together quite nicely and I love my new office.  I have much more space now and I even have an instrument closet with nice shelving for the instruments.  One thing that I desperately need right now at school is a co-teacher.  We had a lead on someone but they ended up backing out which was a huge bummer.  If you could join me in lifting that situation up I would really appreciate it!  It will be much easier and effective to teach beginner instrumental music with someone helping out.

On a different note I have recently started the Insanity workout.  It has been really challenging but strangely addictive.  I don't plan to use it on a daily basis like most people do but to supplement on days that I don't workout elsewhere (some days are just too hot to workout anywhere other than my air-conditioned apartment).  I'm really trying to take better care of my health this year so I can reduce some of the stress I've been having...so far exercising has really helped! I am also looking forward to running once the weather has cooled off and many of the teachers and I are hoping to run a race in Shanghai this December.  I really would love to try for the half-marathon because I've done 10ks in the past and really want to stretch to an even further distance.  We'll see how that goes with my school schedule but if I do it I will be sure to include it in a post! 

Anyways I know many of you are still enjoying your summers but for those of you starting school soon I hope you have a great new year!  I will try to do better with posting on this blog but I know I've said that before....

Blessings,

Rachel

Here is a photo of Caleb, Hannah and I after I got off the plane in the states when I visited!

Only 2 1/2 days until I am no longer a first year teacher!!!

In 2 1/2 days our school year will end.  In 3 days I will be flying over the ocean to come back to the place I call home.  It still doesn't feel real yet.  I can't picture being in America where everyone understands what I am saying, where I'm not illiterate and where the first 22 years of my life were spent.  I am so excited but honestly feel a little scared of reverse culture-shock.  I don't feel like I am the same person that I was when I left.  Sure I still have the same personality, look the same, etc, but I feel different.  I feel more knowledgable and confident in my teaching.  I feel closer to my Father who has shown Himself to me in ways that I have not experienced before.  I was stretched, put outside of my comfort zone and it was hard and uncomfortable and scary....but I am learning we are put into these situations because it is how we grow the most.  Every need and every worry that I have had this year has been taken care of and not by my own power or will.

 I have so many questions about going home.  Will I act the same as I did before?  Will people understand when I describe my life here?  Will it feel like home?  A wise expat here once told me that the longer he has lived here, the more he realizes his real home is not on this earth but in heaven.  You go home, but people's lives have continued and are different than when you left.  I know it's only been 1 year and so not a ton has changed at home, but I look into the possibility of living here longer and realize that things will change and people's lives will go on without me being there.  It's a hard realization but I know that there is a bigger purpose for me here, at least at this point in my life. 

Looking back at my first year of teaching I can say I feel good about it.  It was definitely tough (as everyone said it would be) but all in all it wasn't terrible.  I have AMAZING students!  They work so hard and performed wonderfully at our spring concert last week (so proud of them!!).  I will be saying goodbye to our seniors on Thursday and I am not ready to let them go!!  It's nice to know, though, that I never have to repeat the struggles that every first-year teacher has.  Next year will surely have its challenges but I have survived a year and have learned so much that will help me in the years to come. 

All in all I am extremely excited for this next week and all that is going to happen.  I cannot wait to land in America and give my family a big squeeze!  I know my 3 weeks at home will go by all too fast but I'm trying to focus on the time that I do get.  Hopefully I will get to see as many of you as possible while home...if not, I will be home all summer next year!!

Blessings,

Rachel

Below:  Our PE teacher and I after the spring concert last week...the look of relief!

Home Stretch!

So I feel like I am running a marathon and I'm on my last little bit of the race...there's not a whole lot of energy left in me but the end is in sight!  We have a little less than 8 weeks left of school and I know it is going to fly by.  I have recently been struggling with a bit of homesickness but through Him I am overcoming it.  I have to just stay focused on school and my students on not on the fact that I will be vacationing in Montana with my family 2 months from now. I can definitely say I have had a pretty good year considering it has been my first year but I am so ready to be a second year teacher (I heard it gets much easier after the first year)! 

In school, my main focus is shifting towards our spring concert which is the last Friday in May.  I am definitely more confident going into this concert than the Christmas concert.  The students are working really hard and I'm excited to show our community what they can do.  Recently we have also started an introductory after-school activity for our future band program.  We are going to incorporate this into the school-day next year but wanted to start some students now.  Hopefully this will help them to be even more successful with it next year.  Our school is very blessed to have the quality of instruments that we just purchased...so nice!  I definitely have a lot of curriculum for the program to bring back from the states this summer though.  I'm excited to be more involved with band next year and to offer this elective to the kids.

We just came back to school from spring break about a week ago.  I spent a good portion of my break in Seoul, Korea with extended family.  They live on the military base and it definitely felt like I was in America some of the time (oh and I also was able to stock up on some greatly missed items such as Cheetos and Yankee Candles!). We also went to the Demilitarized Zone...talk about scary!!  I even had to sign a waiver that basically is said if I die it's not the Korean governement's fault (really reassuring haha).  I am glad I went though because it was really interesting.   It was also great to see my family and it definitely gave me a little bit of a "family fix".  It was also then that I discovered the show, Duck Dynasty.  HILARIOUS!  We spent many evenings watching it while I was there!

In case any of you are wondering I arrive in the states on June 8th, but I'll be on vacation with my family until the 15th.  I'll be back in Smithville then so if you are going to be around let me know and I'll try to see as many people as I can!  I come back to China on June 30th.  Such a short time!!  I'm hoping to make the most of it though!

Anyways things here are going well, all things considered, and despite my occasional homesickness I am really enjoying my teaching experience here.  I still can't confirm if I'll sign up for another two years when this is over but don't be suprised if I do!  Miss you all and I hope to see you when I am home!!

Rachel

Is tomorrow really March 1?!?!?!?!?

Hello friends and family!  I know it's been awhile since my last blog post...I wish I could say I have a good excuse but I don't :)  Wow this year has gone by fast!  It's already almost March!!! A lot has happened since the year 2013 has started.  After our Christmas break we had 5 weeks of school and then another 2 week break for chun jie (Chinese new year).  I must say that I love being at an international school where we can celebrate American and Chinese holidays! 

This semester a few of my classes are different.  I have a praise band class with some really talented kids and my high school choir class grew from 6 to 20!  I think that might have to do with the fact that we are going to the ISC Choral Festival in a few weeks in Tianjin but I still like to think it's because they like the class ;)  I'm really excited for this trip.  My students will get to perform with students from 5 other schools and work under the direction of a university choral director from New York.  They are also commissioning a piece and the premier will be at the concert with the composer present in the audience (no pressure...)!  This year is also the first year that they are going to have a band festival in addition to choral festival.  I am excited because I am the only brass teacher in all of our ISC schools so I get to lead brass sectionals.  On that note I should mention that in the past few months we have purchased and received instruments and, as of this week, have started an after-school band.  Because of after-school sports practices we have only 10 students in it right now but we are expecting a pretty good turn-out next year when band will be part of the school day!  I AM SOOOOOO HAPPY TO BE TEACHING BAND!!!!  Don't get me wrong, I have really enjoyed teaching choir, but my heart is in instrumental music!  This class will also take place of my general music class for middle school which for most music teachers is a challenging class to teach (its a big challenge for me). 

The Father is continuing to teach me and show me things that He has planned.  A long-time struggle I have dealt with is anxiety and self-doubt.  This has been magnified since being here.  The enemy knows this is my weakness and he is constantly attacking me with it.  I lose a lot of sleep but really would rather not resort to sleep-medication to help cope.  Depending on the time of year it gets better and worse but He is continually showing His faithfulness in being right beside me in my struggles.

I am looking forward to summer and being with my friends and family.  I am also creating an extensive list of items I want to bring back (many of the items wouldn't be on there if there was  a Bath and Body Works here lol).  I am excited to be going home and being somewhere that is familiar but going home doesn't seem real to me right now, it kind of feels like a dream.  I come home on June 8 and will stay until the beginning of July so if you're around let me know!